Escape from the Drama Triangle
This is the subject of a post from April. Its content is always relevant, and I was reading it over again as I prepared to engage in some dysfunction-bustin' of my own:
The Drama Triangle
"Most of us unconsciously react to life from a position of victimhood. Anytime we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are opting to play victim. This leaves us feeling at the mercy of/done in by/unfaired against, no matter what our situation might be.
"Victimhood consists of three positions outlined by Stephen Karpman, a teacher of Transactional Analysis, on what he called the Drama Triangle. Having learned of it some 30 years ago, it has been one of the most important tools in my personal as well as professional life. As my understanding of the Drama Triangle has expanded, so has my appreciation for this simple but powerfully accurate instrument. I call it the Shame Machine, because through it we unconsciously re-enact our vicious cycles, thereby creating shame.
"Every dysfunctional interaction takes place on the Drama Triangle! Until we [consciously discern] these dynamics, we cannot transform them. Unless we transform them, we cannot move forward on our journey toward reclaiming our spiritual heritage.
"Karpman named the three roles on the Drama Triangle as those of Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. He placed them on an upside-down triangle that represents the three faces of victimhood. Even though only one is called victim, all three originate out of and end up back at that position. Therefore, they are all stopping places on the road to victimhood. We each have a most familiar, or what I call "starting gate," position..."
"In order to get off the triangle, we must first decide to take responsibility for ourselves. We then begin to allow ourselves to acknowledge and express our true feelings, even when doing so is uncomfortable. As we explore our core beliefs and starting-gate positions, we become better able to recognize when someone is attempting to hook us, and refuse to allow it...
"Ironically, the doorway off the triangle for all players is through the persecutor position. This is because when we decide to get off the triangle, we are often seen as persecutors by those still on it. Once we decide to take self-responsibility and tell our truth, those still aboard are likely to accuse us of victimizing them. 'How dare you refuse to take care of me!,' a victim might cry. Or 'What do you mean you don't need my help?,' says a primary enabler when a victim decides to become accountable.
"In other words, to escape the victim grid, we must be willing to be perceived as the bad guy. This doesn't make it so, but we must be willing to sit with the discomfort of being perceived as such..."
"We live in a victim-based society. In the United States, we like to think of ourselves as rescuers. For many years, we identified Russia as the persecutor with Third World countries being the identified underdog, or victim. Several years ago, USSR's President Gorbachev was said to tell President Bush, 'I'm about to do the worst thing imaginable. I'm going to take away your enemy!' Here was a man who innately understood our country's need to have a scapegoat, providing us the chance to say, 'It's those bad communists [now, jihadis] again.' Otherwise, we, as Americans might be forced to take responsibility for our own perpetrator tendencies.
"Of course, Russia does perpetrate, as witnessed by the doings of their KGB. But hasn't our own CIA shown similar tendencies? Our very history is built on persecution. Within a few years of arriving in America, our forefathers began to systematically oppress and subjugate the native peoples who had lived here for centuries! It seems a wearisome task for this country to be willing to be accountable for the ways we have persecuted. Instead, we seem bound and determined to hold onto the idea of being the world's good guy. It is always difficult for persecutors to perceive themselves as such, however. It is much easier to justify persecutor behavior than it is to own the oppressor role."
See also:
How not to talk: Conversational terrorism
And might I also add:
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
(which will be insightful in regard to "adult' discourse, as well)
The Drama Triangle
"Most of us unconsciously react to life from a position of victimhood. Anytime we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are opting to play victim. This leaves us feeling at the mercy of/done in by/unfaired against, no matter what our situation might be.
"Victimhood consists of three positions outlined by Stephen Karpman, a teacher of Transactional Analysis, on what he called the Drama Triangle. Having learned of it some 30 years ago, it has been one of the most important tools in my personal as well as professional life. As my understanding of the Drama Triangle has expanded, so has my appreciation for this simple but powerfully accurate instrument. I call it the Shame Machine, because through it we unconsciously re-enact our vicious cycles, thereby creating shame.
"Every dysfunctional interaction takes place on the Drama Triangle! Until we [consciously discern] these dynamics, we cannot transform them. Unless we transform them, we cannot move forward on our journey toward reclaiming our spiritual heritage.
"Karpman named the three roles on the Drama Triangle as those of Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. He placed them on an upside-down triangle that represents the three faces of victimhood. Even though only one is called victim, all three originate out of and end up back at that position. Therefore, they are all stopping places on the road to victimhood. We each have a most familiar, or what I call "starting gate," position..."
"In order to get off the triangle, we must first decide to take responsibility for ourselves. We then begin to allow ourselves to acknowledge and express our true feelings, even when doing so is uncomfortable. As we explore our core beliefs and starting-gate positions, we become better able to recognize when someone is attempting to hook us, and refuse to allow it...
"Ironically, the doorway off the triangle for all players is through the persecutor position. This is because when we decide to get off the triangle, we are often seen as persecutors by those still on it. Once we decide to take self-responsibility and tell our truth, those still aboard are likely to accuse us of victimizing them. 'How dare you refuse to take care of me!,' a victim might cry. Or 'What do you mean you don't need my help?,' says a primary enabler when a victim decides to become accountable.
"In other words, to escape the victim grid, we must be willing to be perceived as the bad guy. This doesn't make it so, but we must be willing to sit with the discomfort of being perceived as such..."
"We live in a victim-based society. In the United States, we like to think of ourselves as rescuers. For many years, we identified Russia as the persecutor with Third World countries being the identified underdog, or victim. Several years ago, USSR's President Gorbachev was said to tell President Bush, 'I'm about to do the worst thing imaginable. I'm going to take away your enemy!' Here was a man who innately understood our country's need to have a scapegoat, providing us the chance to say, 'It's those bad communists [now, jihadis] again.' Otherwise, we, as Americans might be forced to take responsibility for our own perpetrator tendencies.
"Of course, Russia does perpetrate, as witnessed by the doings of their KGB. But hasn't our own CIA shown similar tendencies? Our very history is built on persecution. Within a few years of arriving in America, our forefathers began to systematically oppress and subjugate the native peoples who had lived here for centuries! It seems a wearisome task for this country to be willing to be accountable for the ways we have persecuted. Instead, we seem bound and determined to hold onto the idea of being the world's good guy. It is always difficult for persecutors to perceive themselves as such, however. It is much easier to justify persecutor behavior than it is to own the oppressor role."
See also:
How not to talk: Conversational terrorism
And might I also add:
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
(which will be insightful in regard to "adult' discourse, as well)
Escape from the Drama Triangle
mr damon, 13:43
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